Around 20 weeks into the pregnancy you and your partner will have the opportunity to decide whether or not you would like to find out the gender of your baby. This event may seem very simple but depending on the perspective of both you and your partner it could get very complex very quickly and set off a whole host of arguments. You may decide that you want it to be a surprise, but your partner wants to have a big gender reveal party. Maybe you want to know the gender and she doesn’t. Its important to have a discussion before you go to the ultrasound appointment so that you are both aligned on what you want to do when the doctor casually asks “So, do you want to know the gender?”. But don’t be surprised if even when you have both agreed, you both change your mind several times in the run up to the appointment, or even in the room itself! There are a few things to consider though to help you decide, but ultimately you should remember that there is no right or wrong answer when it comes to deciding whether or not to discover the gender of your baby.

Do girls wear pink and boys wear blue?  

The decision as to whether or not you want to know the gender often comes down to our own expectations around gender. So, if you want to know if you should buy lots of pink and sparkly dresses or a blue cowboy outfit, then you should find out the gender. For some people this really matters, for others, they genuinely don’t care. You could prepare the babies room and paint it pink or blue, or you could just pick a nice gender-neutral theme. The same with clothing and even choosing a name, you don’t need to know the gender before picking out any of it. But you may want to, nonetheless.  

Do you want to throw a gender reveal party?

Some people honestly don’t care whether they have a boy or a girl, or whether they wear pink or blue, but they do like the idea of having a party with friends and family and doing a big reveal. In this age of social media, the whole gender reveal concept has gone mainstream and if this is important to you and your partner, you should find out in advance. If you want to have a big party anyway, there is always the option of throwing a baby shower, or just throwing a party without needing to know the gender. But again, this will be very much a personal choice depending on your own preferences and there really isn’t a right or wrong answer.

Do you have a preference?

Another factor that often plays a part in the continual flip flopping between wanting to know and not wanting to know comes down to simple personal preference. This manifests in a multitude of ways, it is not as simple as the father wanting a son and the mother a daughter. It often goes various ways, there are plenty of mothers to be that want a son, and fathers that want a daughter. This can often lead to being “disappointed” with the news that you will have one or the other. If you really wanted a daughter, and you are having a son its natural in this instance to feel a little disappointed. What is worse, you then feel really guilty as when your child arrives you will love them regardless of gender. As a result, some people choose not to find out exactly for this reason. Conversely, the reverse can also be true. I know plenty of dads who wanted a son purely because they had absolutely no idea how to even begin to raise a daughter. So, they wanted to find out in advance and suitably prepare themselves for what being a parent to a daughter would be.

*If you would like a personal coaching session via zoom with myself to help you navigate your first time dad journey, you can reach out to me directly by sending me a message on social media or the “contact” page on my website to organise a session