When you think of intimacy with your partner, I am guessing while pregnant was not high up on the fantasy list. Now the truth is that types of intimacy during pregnancy varies wildly from couple to couple. There are some pregnant partners whose hormones go wild and intimacy may increase. There are others who have no desire whatsoever due to a combination of sheer exhaustion, feeling bloated and morning sickness. Then there are others who will fall somewhere in between, as a rule of thumb, its best to be guided by your partner during this time. Intimacy during pregnancy is perfectly safe, but there are some things that you should probably be made aware of.
If you are one of those guys who likes to light some candles, set the mood, and help your partner relax and get in the mood with a nice sensual massage. Stop. I am serious. I applaud you for putting us typical guys to shame with all of the extra effort, but during pregnancy you need to be incredibly careful when it comes to massages. If you apply the wrong kind of pressure, you could set off her contractions. If you want to be a loving partner and help her unwind, arrange for a properly trained masseuse who is specifically trained in massaging pregnant women. The last thing you want to do is to accidentally send her in to labour far too early. If its any consolation you can tell yourself its because your hands are magic and that’s why you can’t massage her. Of course, if you really want to win extra bonus points you could actually go on a pregnant woman massage course yourself.
You are going to feel weird
The truth is many men end up feeling very weird about being intimate with their partner as the pregnancy progresses. In the first few months nothing really changes, but as the bump grows the guy usually ends up feeling very aware that their partner has another human being inside of her. Its not that she has got bigger that puts off most guys, its more psychological than that. Most guys are either afraid of hurting their partner, hurting the baby, or worse worry that the baby will know what he is doing! All of this is of course absurd, and you can’t hurt either mother or baby, and the baby doesn’t know anything, but for many guys it can be very difficult to get in the mood. Especially once the baby starts kicking!
She will think you don’t find her attractive
When you start to feel weird about being intimate, she is going to doubt your reasons. Pregnancy is not necessarily making her feel her best, but she can always rely on you to want to be intimate regularly. So, when you start to be less enthusiastic, her instinct is going to be that you do not find her attractive. This is of course ridiculous; you are more freaked out about the idea of the baby kicking when you are in the middle of you know what. But understandably she may take this personally. As such, its important to make sure that you either get over your worries or make up for it in other ways and go the extra mile to ensure she feels loved and beautiful.
*If you would like a personal coaching session via zoom with myself to help you navigate your first time dad journey, you can reach out to me directly by sending me a message on social media or the “contact” page on my website to organise a session