I am going to tell you a secret, the pregnancy process is not always as simple as the teachers made it seem in biology class. Sometimes you get lucky and it happens straight away. Other times it can literally take people years of trying and still not have it happen. If you are at the stage of deciding that you and your partner want to try and get pregnant, you need to manage your expectations upfront. It can take a long time even if you are both perfectly healthy. Strange right? After all, us guys have been taught from a very young age that it will literally happen in a split second and ruin our lives at the most inopportune time. But fate is a fan of irony and when it comes to actually trying to get pregnant on purpose many couples often take a while.
Ok, look I am not going to give you a complete biology lesson here. I am assuming you are fully aware of the physical method required to get pregnant. But did you know that the timing involved actually has an impact on the likelihood of conception? There is going to be a specific period each month when your partner is ovulating, and this is when conception is going to happen. If she is not ovulating, whilst you may be having a lot of fun, and it being good “practice”, conception is not likely. There are plenty of apps and tests available that will help you to know when she will be ovulating. If you are unaware of what they may be, Google will give you a load of answers. In addition, I have bad news for us guys, did you know that saliva makes conception less likely? Saliva kills sperm, keep this in mind when you are trying to conceive.
As mentioned earlier, it often takes time to conceive. According to research done by the National Health Service in UK, 84% of couples will get pregnant within a year of trying. That means after 12 whole months nearly 20% of couples still won’t be pregnant. They also found that 1 in 7 couple have fertility issues, but 25% of these difficulties can’t be explained. Everyone can be perfectly healthy and fertile, but for some unexplained reason it just has not happened yet. This doesn’t mean it won’t happen, but it can take time. Its important to factor this in and not put too much pressure on yourself or your partner.
If its been more than a year
If you have been waiting over a year for the little pregnancy test stick to give you a positive indication, then it is time to go and seek professional help. This can be incredibly daunting, but as outlined, nearly 20% of couple experience this. The good news is that medical advances mean there are very few instances in which having a child is now a medical impossibility. If you ask around, you will also be surprised how many couples have had difficulties in conceiving and gone through all these tests, IVF, and other type things. Guys being guys, we don’t usually openly talk about such things, but if you do open up you will be surprised that many of us have a cousin, good friend etc that have gone through such a situation and be able to help connect you with people for advice. The other thing to remember is that in such circumstances, it is natural that we focus on ourselves, but its important to remember to support your partner, with every setback and delay, all those insecurities you are having, she will also be experiencing. Make sure you are supportive, after all, it’s a trait that will come in handy when you do become a father.
*If you would like a personal coaching session via zoom with myself to help you navigate your first time dad journey, you can reach out to me directly by sending me a message on social media or the “contact” page on my website to organise a session